For any parent, taking their child to the play park and seeing an empty set of swings is a joyous moment. However, there is an unwritten etiquette that should always be observed.
Empty swings make adults behave in a peculiar way. If another parent is already in the park, regardless of what their child or children are doing, they scoop them up and put them in the empty swings before the new visitors can have a shot. It doesn’t matter if the children have just been on the swings or if they don’t like them, there is no way you let anyone new on them first.
This is Unwritten Play Park Etiquette Rule 3, and it's exactly what happened recently when the Little Left-Handed Tea Drinker and I visited King George V Park. When a mother saw us approaching, she grabbed her two children and despite their protests she put them in the baby swings before we had even opened the gate. The mother breathed a sigh of relief and glanced at me to make sure I knew that she had staked her claim and won.
The Little LHTD and I decided to wait it out.
As we sat on the bench biding our time, I started to think about the various parents who take their children to the park. It’s not nice to stereotype but when you’re waiting for a swing-hogger to finish then you have time to kill.
There are lots of different park stereotypes. We have the Stay At Home Mum (SAHM), always prepared for every scenario and able to juggle many different tasks and children at once. She rules the park and strictly obeys the etiquette.
Next there’s the Career Mum (CM). She is usually drinking a coffee, making an important sales call and pushing the swing at the same time. The CM doesn’t like to talk to other parents and is more likely to bite your head off than the rabid and ravenous dog lurking outside the gate.
We’ve also got the Nannies, who usually visit the park in pairs. They like to talk a lot and seem to have all the time in the world. If a Nanny doesn’t arrive at the park with a fellow Nanny then try to avoid conversation as it’s impossible to end a chat with them until they decide they've had enough.
During the week there are the Grandparents. They seem glad to be out of the house, but as soon as they get to the park they say it’s time to leave. Depending on the infant in question, the Grandparents are either gloating about how beautiful their Grandchild is or counting down the hours until they’ll be relieved of duty.
Don’t even get me started on the Parent of the Wild Child (PWC) who probably owns the rabid and ravenous dog lurking outside the gate.
As with all stereotypes, these are overblown, out of proportion and probably offensive, but they exist in one form or another. I must stress that other stereotypes are available, but it is time now to return to the swings.
We prepared to leave and the mother sensed it and began to let her guard down now that she had managed to fend off the attack on her swings.
Her kids, who were now swing-sick, were finally allowed to get down and ran off to use something else. The Mother passed us and said, ‘Sorry, if you were waiting for the swings – you should have said’. Apparently she is aware of Unwritten Play Park Etiquette Rule 5 and she knew I’d respect it: Parents must be pleasant to each other.
‘No not at all,’ I replied. ‘We were just stopping for a rest. It’s a lovely day, isn’t it?’
It didn’t matter if we missed lunch or went hungry, park etiquette had to be followed.
Unwritten Play Park Etiquette Rule 6 states that When standing next to a stranger, a minimum of 50 swings must be made before it is polite and acceptable to leave. Unfortunately for us, I’d mistaken the adjacent adult for a CM when in fact she was a Nanny.
Nannies like to chat and Unwritten Play Park Etiquette Rule 4 states that Polite small talk must be made at all times.
We'd be lucky if we got home for dinner.
[Line of swings image: Luis Argerich, Creative Commons; Cartoon image: Wikimedia, Creative Commons; Hand and hat image above courtesy of Emma's Diary.]
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@theSpurtle but wouldn't;t it be great if there were swing parks for adults? I **really** miss a good work out on a swing!
@theSpurtle yawn........
@Johnhailhail I hope you tweeted that with your hand over your mouth.
LordCleanStreetsofNT @NTCleanStreets
Bravo @theLHTD, this is a true classic. I enjoyed the RRWD, 'not necessarily a divorcee', just run ragged. @theSpurtle
Morven Crumlish @MorvenCrumlish
@CityCycling @theSpurtle Dunno, look at what happened when they opened an adult trampoline centre http://m.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-31535814 … Carnage!
@MorvenCrumlish business making money vs swingparks for fun. Even kids have been seriously hurt at the trampoline centre.@theSpurtle
@Protonmale @theSpurtle Some countries have swings at bus stops. Would love that here @on_lothianbuses
@Protonmale @theSpurtle and I think drumsheugh baths club have trapezes (but I can;t afford the membership fees).
@CityCycling @theSpurtle So, you're a swinger. Good for you.
LordCleanStreetsofNT @NTCleanStreets
Steady now, Prote, *steady* @Protonmale @CityCycling @theSpurtle
@NTCleanStreets errrrmmmmm. @Protonmale @theSpurtle
@NTCleanStreets @CityCycling @theSpurtle *Wipes tear of laughter away* . Advise to do web search for 'pampas grass swingers' . #Urbanmyth