On a brief walk earlier today we encountered this suprising geographical cluster of delinquent youths. Do you recognise their location?
The first young person (right) is not too bad at first glance. But look again, and there is something disturbingly adult about his expression. He looks like the kind of child who will, after mature consideration, ‘accidentally’ push the electric fire into Daddy’s bathwater.
Next up, with a mouth full of pickled capers, is an infant Flashman in the school changing room. Note how he puts aside the cash he has extorted from classmates before turning on them once again with a knotted wet towel.
Our next little angel appears to have successfully pulled off a George Street jewel heist, and is now stashing the goods somewhere no-one will think of looking for them.
Now comes a quintet of horrid putti, whose grotesque mixture of muscles and puppy fat gives one the creeps. Number 1 has nearly finished a cloud of candyfloss, and has the gums to prove it.
Number 2 is industriously converting a replica machine-gun for day-to-day nursery applications.
Number 3 intimidates business rivals by proving he has no sense of pain.
Number 4 will shortly regret not having paid attention during the health and safety lecture.
What can we say about Number 5? He is an interesting and challenging child, who should probably not be left unattended with family pets at BBQs.
Of course, it’s not really the children’s fault. We blame bad parenting.
All ten individuals can be found in St Andrew Square. (1) Guardian Royal Exchange Insurance building, Nos 12–13. (2&3) Scottish Equitable Life Assurance Company, Nos 27– 8. (4–9) Bank of Scotland building, Nos 38–9. (10) Former Forsyth's Department Store extension, No. 3.