As you read this, advance copies of the March Spurtle are already popping up across Broughton like park snowdrops awaiting the first Mastiff of spring.
Issue 348 begins with an angel and a devil, a massive mistake and a wet, hollow, boggy place designed to enthuse people without wellies.
Moving swiftly on, we have temporary fixes on Page 2 which ought to be permanent, invisible safety measures which make people feel endangered, a flawed scheme which shouldn’t see the light of day, drugs, booze and a cap that doesn’t fit. Also a polite notice.
Din, bricks, tankers and scandal feature on Page 3, as do holes in the roof, holes in the road, tourists in beauty spots, short-tempered taxi drivers and a tea cake positioned where the sun will never shine. And Greenland.
Exhausted by so much news? Chill out on the back page with pavement-parking blackspots, a not altogether well-received discussion paper, and a gradual transition from social-media miasma to a sunlit upland meadow with butterflies.
Due to increased demand, the largest number of Spurtles since 2020 will be distributed across the barony and beyond via shops, pubs, cafes, libraries and railing-mounted plastic dispensers of great aesthetic beauty and variable leak resistance.
Those who don’t like the feel of wet paper and ink can enjoy the feel of dry e-journalism instead, downloadable from our website here after one minute past midnight on 1 March.
Do you have a story you think we should hear? We’re always interested in all manner of local and citywide news. We love your photographs. We’re happy to credit our sources, or provide them with false identities in hideaway safe houses if required. Contact us in confidence at spurtle@hotmail.co.uk.
