As Broughton swelters in ferocious heat and blinding brightness, Spurtle has responded by manufacturing thousands of emergency sunshades for local people.
Produced on A3 sheets of solar-reflective, ultra-thin, compressed wood pulp, these collapsible innovations will fit most pockets with ease, but can swiftly be unfolded with a little practice to afford protection from the sun’s harmful rays.
Gentlemen travelling east this morning on the trams may care to fan themselves by utilising the devices’ firm yet flexible wind-resistant design. Ladies travelling west by foot would do well to slide a sheet down the nape of their necks this evening to avoid uncomfortable redness later.
Bees, parking, neo-classical drama and the local by-election result feature on one part, followed by a vision in pink, post-conflagration recovery, noisy balconies, frustrated pedestrians and the Indian summer on another.
On a third we look at copulating grasshoppers, geese and puerperal fever in cows. There’s also much ado about rubbish, the East Scotland Street Lane zombie and toppling Gormleys, and finally a free and radical option involving a moggie, bobble hat and Malcolm Chisholm MSP.
Citizens, do not endanger your health and complexions by dangerous exposure! Pick up a Spurtle sunshade in any of the places about town where you would normally expect to find a local community newspaper: shops, newsagents, eateries, drinkeries, galleries, public libraries, and salons great and small for the beautification of human hair.
Alternatively, shelter indoors and download a colourful pdf version from the top-right-hand corner of our home page here.