Those picking up from last week’s cliffhanger may be in for a disappointment.
You left me standing in no man’s land at the crossing on Mansfield Place. It was a regular Mexican standoff, briefly, but it didn’t take long for another pedestrian to appear, and the next green man soon put us both out of our misery. The stubborn stalemate was over and we went our separate ways.
That altercation caused me to run late for my job interview and I had to change my route. I jumped onto a tram at York Place and disembarked at St Andrew Square, probably saving myself 30 seconds. I then headed down George Street and arrived at the designated office with a minute to spare.
The job in question involved working for some kind of sales company, but the part about it which had caught my eye was the advert reading simply ‘NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY’.
It was an entry-level position and I didn’t need experience because they were going to mould me into the kind of mindless zombie they wanted.
They had me hooked at 'NO', or at least they did until I sat in the reception area waiting to be called.
I began thinking about whether I actually wanted this position. I’ve had plenty of meaningless jobs in the past and this was probably going to be the same.
The events in Mansfield Place had stirred something up. It now occurred to me that I needed something else in my life. I needed a job where I could actually do something worthwhile and make a difference.
I was eventually called in to a small office where the interviewer was waiting.
‘
After that question, I knew this wasn’t the career path for me.
‘Is this part of the interview?’ I asked.
‘Well, no,’ replied the interviewer. ‘I just wondered whether you'd managed to find the office without any issues.’
I thought about this for a moment.
‘Well, if I say no then you might think I’m useless and can’t follow directions,’ I replied. ‘On the other hand, if I say yes, because this is a difficult place to find, it may look like I'm ignoring the fact you’re losing business because people can’t find it.’
The interviewer began to speak but I cut him off.
‘I applied for this job because it said “No experience necessary,”’ I said. ‘But you don’t really expect anyone to have no experience. You’re obviously not going to employ anyone with no experience.
'Now, if I say all the right things, then I may get the job. But I don’t want to say all the right things. I want to tell the truth. I don’t want to say that I want to work my way up and be committed to this company. If something better comes along, I’ll be gone. If everyone was devoted to their jobs then they wouldn’t be playing the Lottery, would they?’
‘I see,’ said the interviewer. ‘Really, the question was more of a formality. I don’t actually care if you found us without any issues. I was just being polite. It’s how most interviews begin.’
‘Well, I’m being polite back when I say that I don’t actually want this job,’ I said. ‘I won’t waste your time any longer.’
There was a queue of people waiting at the crossing nearby. I took matters into my own hands and went straight to the button and pushed it. The woman standing there looked at me and pulled her handbag in tight.
‘I was just pushing the button,’ I said politely.
‘I’ve already pushed it,’ she murmured.
‘If only the world worked like that,’ I replied. ‘Apparently, it no longer matters.’
At that moment, I realised what I should be doing with myself. My job, my goal, my new life’s mission is to make people accept the rules.
People should be made to push the button at crossings without undermining their fellow pedestrians. Umbrella users should have insurance to cover the cost of any potential eye injuries they may cause others. Drivers should be forced to indicate with plenty of time to spare.
I’m the one prepared to make sure all this gets done. How am I going to do it? I have no idea, but I’ll find a way.
‘Haven’t you got anything better to do with your life than creating these rules for crossing the road?’ the woman at the Mansfield Place crossing had asked me earlier. The answer is no.
If you’re going to live in this world then you need to abide by my rules. This is my purpose.
The green man appeared and I was off.
You can read the collected ramblings of the Left-Handed Tea Drinker by visiting thelefthandedteadrinker.wordpress.com.