The last good deed I did was in 2007, until two weeks ago.
I woke up and was in a good mood. The mother-in-law was due to leave in a few hours’ time, and today was going to be an excellent one.
She had one last thing to do before she left, and for reasons I can’t quite fathom, I said I would do it for her.
That was my first mistake.
All she wanted was a large-letter stamp to post a large letter. Why she couldn’t wait until she got home is beyond me. I offered her my last stamp and suggested she fold her letter so it was smaller, but my suggestion was rejected.
It was a win-win situation, I thought; she would think I was doing her a good turn and this errand wouldn’t make her late for the train. I imagined the post office is the type of place that could easily delay a journey.
I escorted the mother-in-law as far as Waverley Station. Usually I’d chaperone her to the Border or at least as far as Haymarket to guarantee she’d left, but there was a storm was on its way and I wanted to be home before it hit.
When the mother-in-law had safely boarded, I decided to get the job done.
I’d left the letter at home. That was fine, I could post it later, but I thought I’d better buy a stamp while I was near a post office. I decided to venture into Princes Mall and head to the new branch there. I rarely step inside this so-called ‘mall’ … why would I? Why would anybody? But as I was near I thought it was the best option.
I arrived and asked the sales assistant at the front door where I could buy a large-letter stamp. She directed me to the self-service machine. The Post Office is now all about self-service. I’m fine with that, but the assistant insisted on guiding me through it, which kind of defeated the object.
I informed the sales assistant that all I required was a large-letter second-class stamp (I wasn’t paying first-class prices for you-know-who). She pressed some buttons, I inserted the coins and a stamp was produced. I put it in my wallet and the job was done.
My third mistake of the day came as I was leaving Princes Mall. My headphones were tangled up and I was unable to untangle them in time before being accosted by the Talk Talk Broadband salesmen who were situated near the exit. Usually, with my headphones in, I would just pretend I couldn’t hear them and walk on by. But no such luck today.
‘Who provides you with your broadband and home phone?’ the salesman asked. After a few minutes I managed to fob them off with some ridiculous excuse and was on my merry way.
There were no Broadband salesman back then and no tangled headphones, either. Should I be living in the late 1800s?
After ten minutes, the man eventually turned green and I was able to continue my journey. The weather was pretty wild, it was freezing, the wind had picked up and snow was on its way so I was glad to be homeward bound.
The fifth mistake happened when I got home and took the stamp out of my wallet. The damn machine, which had been operated by a member of staff, had given me a normal first-class stamp instead of large-letter second-class one.
I swore that that would be the last good deed I would ever do. Then the phone rang. It was Mrs LHTD. She told me that the mother-in-law was stranded at Haymarket. Due to the storm, all trains had been cancelled until further notice.
‘It looks like she’ll be staying with us for a bit longer,’ she said. ‘Can you go and collect her?’
I was about to perform my second good deed in seven-and-a-half years, two minutes after I’d sworn I would never do one again.
‘Yes,’ I replied glumly. ‘I need to go back to the post office, anyway.’
What could possibly go wrong this time?
[BLACK-AND-WHITE IMAGE: All Rights Reserved D McLean at Lost Edinburgh, to whom many thanks.]