STEP IT GAILY, AND GET OUT OF THE RUDDY WAY

The Left-Handed Tea Drinker has turned 20.  

I’m not quite sure how I got this far but I’ve covered lots in a short space of time; from a birth, to a death and a tram. I’ve had an ice cream, eaten some Portuguese chicken, I’ve been to Tesco’s and I got a haircut. I travelled beyond our borders as far as Haymarket and came straight back again. I’ve tackled rubbish, done a spot of recycling and delivered a letter.

And what have I got to show for it? Nothing, nada, zilch. I’ve yet to be offered a book deal or a Fringe show and my likeness doesn’t hang in the Scottish National Portrait Gallery. 

Mrs Left-Handed Tea Drinker said to me, ‘If you start writing this column then maybe you’ll complain less’. She was wrong. My mother asked if I’d encountered any trolls. Only the ones lurking under the Regent Bridge on a Saturday night, I assured her. My grandmother is worried that Nando’s might try and sue me, but they’re too busy explaining the ‘process’ to all the business that I sent their way to worry about me.

So, despite no popular demand, I will carry on for one, two or if you’re unlucky enough another twenty more musings about Broughton. Whatever happens, thank you for reading. 

*****

Since my first column I’ve been tackling the important issues hereabouts. The late indicators of Drummond Place still plague my everyday life. I’ve yet to be run over but they keep on trying. As a lowly pedestrian, there are other issues that arise daily and that is what I’d like to discuss with you today.

Consultations have begun on maximum 20mph speed limits across Broughton and beyond, but have the Council thought about proposing a minimum pedestrian speed limit on pavements?

When you need to get somewhere, Broughton’s pavements have become gridlocked. You might be thinking: What’s the rush? Slow down, leave earlier or Go by a different route. But I say no.

Now, I expect a proportion of our society to walk slowly. I have no qualms about that. It’s the people who are able to walk a bit quicker that I’m talking about. Yes, you. You seem to be directionless, unmotivated and you are getting in my way. Why don’t you speed it up a little? I admit that most of the time I’m going nowhere fast but that’s my prerogative. I just don’t want to be held up by YOU. 

It’s not just the slow walkers who are causing trouble. There are those who text and walk, not looking up and taking everyone’s life in their hands. Then there are the emergency brakers who, for no apparent reason, suddenly stop. It’s great that Broughton’s streets are full of people, but if you don’t have your wits about you, you’re doomed as soon as you step foot onto the pavement as well as when you step off. If only everyone could be a bit more mindful. (If you’re going to window shop, then stand next to the window and not in the middle of the pavement.)

What I’d like to propose and see implemented straight away is a lane system. A fast lane for those who don’t want to stop and admire the view. Cars are allowed parking spaces and lanes of their own, even cyclists have a little bit of space, so how about giving something back to the pedestrians?

If this doesn’t happen then we’re all going to have to start indicating. Yes, we’d look stupid, but how else are you going to tell me you’re doing a U-turn, an emergency stop or just taking a detour to the nearby corner shop. I’d be willing to start doing it myself if it helps set the trend.

The pavements are out of control as it is. So, wouldn’t it be better to do something about it now before it’s too late? (We could hold a referendum if you like. Everyone seems to enjoy those.) If we don’t act now, society as we know it could implode in front of our very eyes. Either that or it will make me angry/angrier, and you wouldn’t want that to happen, would you?