As you read this, advance copies of the September Spurtle are not spreading across the barony like confused tourists in unsuccessful search of a short-term let.
Instead, they remain twinkles in the eye of a printer, whose celebration of the recent English bank holiday has delayed the appearance of Issue 332 until the actual day of its official publication.
Expect to start seeing paper copies, moist with the sweat of anxious delivery pixies, from lunchtime tomorrow. In the meantime, there follows the customary unhelpful preview.
Page 1 begins with a WORLD EXCLUSIVE to cheer all those who believe the Edinburgh Fringe is suffocated by side-splitting comedy. Our coverage strikes a cultural note with budgetary and architectural overtones.
We continue with assurances of difficult but assured destruction, no pollution, piles of fun for those cracking under the strain of construction, and boozy rumours of trouble ahead.
If you thought that was fun, wait for the full-frontal nudity on Page 2, historic door-colour controversy, flags which won’t fly and an FOI. Dogs on drugs, double Ws, and road-safety concerns at Picardy Place (in 1897) follow.
On Page 3 we ruminate about the history of the Festival, plumbing and Stockbridge, then anticipate Italians. We consider sportive dirty looks, theft, urine, and separate appeals for participation and a change of mind. We also arrive at a final, definitive explanation of the ‘Broughton screech’ … final and definitive, that is, until Issue 333 in October.
In Moreover, on Page 4, we show how what pops up must pop down, direct readers to something important online and alert them to three delays for which Spurtle seeks explanations. There’s police news, Dublin Street news, and news of birds with a taste for home improvement.
The long and the short of it is, it’s short. The Spurtle delivers everything you need to know about the square mile – between Howe Street and Upper Pilrig, Greenside and Canonmills, and all those annoying bits which don’t fit but definitely count – in just over 3 closely printed pages. It’s like concentrated astronaut food for the Earthbound, only more appetising.
Pick up your printed black-and-white copy in bars, cafés, libraries, shops and services across the barony from lunchtime tomorrow.
Alternatively, be the envy of your friends and download a colour pdf HERE from midnight tonight.
